Cookies 'n' Cream.

Yes, and then it goes back.

2010-06-25T09:30:00.000-07:00

Hello darlings!

Yes, I have been away for a very long time. I wasn't really busy I just.. had a BLOCK. I always have blocks. I suck, I know. But I rock too. Confused? GOOD.

It's difficult being a teenager, with crazy parents who clamp down SO hard it gets hard to breathe sometimes, Well.. most of the time. Who expect you to be the smartest, the best, and all that jazz. Sixteen years of my life, and I have never felt more.. trapped. I love my parents, don't get me wrong. I just wish they'd give me a break, you know? Just listen to what I have to say, and take the good points that come from my opinion. Just wish they'd realise it's the 21st Century, and we're not living in their era of girls-cannot-talk-to-boys and handphones that look like fridges. Even that's too modernized. I can't wait, till I can make my own choices without being nagged to death. I'm not a robot, don't over expect things. I will probably let you down.

I don't know why, But I feel like.. this month's been lacking new music. I don't hear any, nice new music. COME ON LADY GAGA, BEYONCE. WHAT'RE YOU GUYS DOING! LETS'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!

I cannot wait, for bollywood night at Bagan. And also the stay over at luv's. June has not been a good month at all. STUPID JUNE. So, i'm looking forward to spending oodles of time with my best friend. :) YOU GOT ME BEGGING YOU FOR MERCY! Yes, I've missed you. Honestly. COME BACK TO ME, FAG. LOL.

BRAZIL. YOU LET ME DOWN. I WORE THE JERSEY.

THE JERSEY!

AAAAAAAH!

"Io sono tuo, sarò sempre, sempre ti amo mia cara, incredibile .. apachi. ♥"

Nothin on you - B.O.B

2010-05-23T05:17:00.000-07:00

Chorus- Bruno Mars] (B.o.B)
Beautiful girls all over the world, I could be chasing
But my time would be wasted, they got nothing on you, baby
Nothing on you, baby
They might say hi, and I might say hey
But you shouldn't worry, about what they say
'Cause they got nothing on you, baby (Yeah)
Nothing on you, baby (N-n-n-nothing on you baby, n-nothing on you)

[Verse 1- B.o.B]
I know you feel where I'm coming from
Regardless of the things in my past that I've done
Most of it really was for the hell of the fun
On a carousel, so around I spun
With no direction, just tryna get some
Tryna chase skirts, living in the summer sun
And so I lost more than I had ever won
And honestly, I ended up with none

[Bridge- Bruno Mars]
It's so much nonsense, it's on my conscience
I'm thinking "maybe I should get it out"
And I don't wanna sound redundant
But I was wondering, if there was something that you wanna know
But never mind that, we should let it go
Cause we don't wanna be a TV episode
And all the bad thoughts, just let ;em go, go, go

[Chorus]

[Verse 2- B.o.B]
Hands down, there will never be another one (nope)
I've been around, and I've never seen another one (never)
Because your style, I ain't really got nothin' on (nothing)
And you wild when you ain't got nothin' on? (haha)
Baby you the whole package
Plus you pay your taxes
And you keep it real, while them others stay plastic
You're my Wonder Woman, call me Mr. Fantastic
Stop- now think about it

[Bridge 2- B.o.B.]
I've been to London, I've been to Paris
Even way out there in Tokyo
Back home down in Georgia, to New Orleans
But you always steal the show
And just like that girl, you got me froze
Like a Nintendo 64
If you never knew, well, now you know, know, know

[Chorus]

[Bridge 3- B.o.B]
Everywhere I go, I'm always hearing your name
And no matter where I'm at, girl you make me wanna sing
Whether a bus or a plane, or a car, or a train
No other girl's on my brain, and you the one to blame

[Chorus]

[B.o.B]
Yeah (laughing)
And that's just how we do it (laughing)
And I'ma just let this ride
B.o.B
And Bruno Mars

'Let it go. :)'

STARE.

2010-05-08T04:07:00.000-07:00

CONFUSION.

LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH.

NOW!

"Weird people have interesting personalities. :D"

Tick Tock, goes my clock.

2010-05-07T08:09:00.000-07:00

Yes, it is ticking.

All I can do now is wait.

Gut feelings are right, once in awhile.

Aren't they?

I feel so emo now. You know what I need? To party. Yes, that's it. I need to party. Get my mind off things. SOMEONE THROW A PARTY, AND INVITE ME! :D I sound like a freeloader. But I DON'T CARE. INVITE MEEEEEEEE! A party on my birthday is out of the question. Thank you, Malaysian education system, and your midterm dates. Sigh.

Have you ever tried, lying down on the floor, eyes closed, mind blank and start to think. Of everything of the past, everything in the present and visualize things in the future? A future, that is overshadowed by the past. Past mistakes that make you feel unworthy and not good enough. It isn't very nice, so I'm telling you. DON'T DO IT. DON'T SIT AND THINK. Thinking is bad. Very, bad. Be dumb and hollow. Don't think! :)

Beautiful, isn't it?

A moment where the world didn't matter, where everything around isn't taken into consideration. A moment of pure happiness, and joy. Just to be where I was, and to just.. be free. The only time, I feel these emotions again. Is all thanks to one person. He, is amazing.

I want my friends back.

I want, to be accepted.

I want to confide, and not be shot down.

I want them to care.

I want my choices to be respected.

I want them to see, what i see.

I want them, to walk a mile in my shoes.

Well. We can't always get what we want, can we?

One thing's for sure. I am never. EVER letting him go.

DEAL WITH IT.

"I wouldn't trade you, not for anything in the world. Nothing beats pure happiness and bliss. :) "

Listen.

2010-05-05T03:05:00.000-07:00

"Pictures do speak a thousand words. All you have to do, is listen. "

Is that what it is?

2010-05-01T23:41:00.000-07:00

A hole?

A stupid void, an annoying distance. Is that what it is? I don't understand. I feel blank, and hopeless. Confused, and dejected. Sad and shrugged off. Upset and useless. My only salvation to these crashing feelings, my other half.

He shuts out all this, whenever I speak to him, or even think about him. Makes me throw all these feelings away, distracts me from the truth. I know, being distracted from the truth, isn't quite the proper solution. Well, it's a close second. Until I learn to accept facts, he is and always will be. My salvation, my everything. Cheesy, but true. :) Without him.. I don't even want to think about the consequences. It's more than unbearable. ARGH.

On a LIGHTER note, fame up's article in the star came out yesterday. Brought back memories of Phantom, and the good old times. I miss Fame Up, and the people of fame up. The experience was overwhelming, and just amazing. The spectacular people I've met, the fantabulous people who made everything possible. I love ALL of you, You will all remain tatoo'ed on my heart, till the end of time. :)

"The world behind my wall. Isn't as beautiful as it should be."

He ate my heart, He ate-e-e my heart.

2010-04-03T07:50:00.000-07:00

STOP.

I KNOW.

WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO SAY.

DON'T.

SAY IT.

DON'T!

Lets see. We shall start fresh. My Myyyyy have I been stressed. I've been a ball of mixed emotions, really. GOOD emotions trump the bad ones though. Only ONE reason for that. (: Two word resound in my head when I think of stress.

FAME. UP.

It is getting closer, as I speak. Well. TYPE. We have.. less than 3 weeks to Production day. OMG. I have a feeling, it'll be fantastic though. We have all been working so hard and I'm SURE. It'll be a fabulous opening night, followed by 2 SPECTACULAR follow up nights. (: GO FAME UP!

My Everything, my other half.

He makes me happy. (:

This song inspires me.

Imagine.

Imagine There's No Countries
It Isn't Hard To Do
Nothing To Kill Or Die For
And No Religion Too

Imagine All The People
Living Life In Peace (Youuuu)
You May Say I'm A Dreamer

But I'm Not The Only One
I Hope Someday You Will Join Us
And The World We'll Be As One

Imagine No Possessions
I Wonder If You Can
No Need For Greed Or Hunger
A Brotherhood Of Man

Imagine All The People
Sharing All The World (Youuuu)

You May Stay I'm A Dreamer
But I'm Not The Only One
I Hope Someday You Will Join Us
And The World Will Live As One

Cuti-Cuti Malaysia vs Think of me

2010-03-20T01:30:00.000-07:00

I'm lazy.

To update.

So.

Cut short.

I went to Goldcoast, Australia.

It was awesome.

Minus the fact, the weather gave me pimples.

I had fun. :)

"LAZY."

An ending brings about new beginnings.

2010-03-07T03:49:00.000-08:00

I love you.

Really, I do.

Acceptance? Yes.

2010-02-27T21:35:00.000-08:00

Hello my darling readers.

Missed me?

Of course you did. ;)

WOW. I've just realized how sappy and sick my blog is becoming. Emo emo emo shit lah. WELL. I'll just have to change that. Out with the tears, in with the alcohol. ;) LMFAO.

Doctors appointment tomorrow. PRAISE THE LORD. I think, the brace's is coming off tomorrow. Mixed feelings. I'm going to miss my sexy terminator leg gear. But on the bright side.. I GET TO WEAR JEANS AND PANTS AGAIN. WOOOOOO.

'Without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find perfect composure. But unfortunately, although it is true, it is difficult for us to accept it. Because we cannot accept the truth of transience, we suffer. '

-Shunryu Suzuki

Acceptance. That is the key. Fighting it does no good, I have learnt the hard way. So. Finally, really and truly, Accepted change, I have. This change, happened for the better, and genuine happiness comes from the people who have been by my side, always. I love you guys. :)

'I'm not rude. You're just insignificant.'

I forgot.

2010-02-26T07:29:00.000-08:00

I totally forgot what it was like to be single, and happy again.

It feels fantastic.

HELL YEAH.

'Give it to me baby. YEAH!'

You never did have..

2010-02-19T02:22:00.001-08:00

Love.

I thought I understood what that meant. Honestly thinking I was in head over heels in love. Everything was so perfect, every feeling, every thought felt absolutely amazing. When things started falling apart, I still had.. What it's called, Love. Tried everything in my power to keep it alive. My efforts went unnoticed. I still tried.

Trust.

The utmost trust, in addition to love. It comes in a package. Trusted you with your doings with no doubt, trusted you to trust me. Trusted you to love me like I did, you. The feeling you get when you trust someone. I trusted you, to take the best care of my heart after I lost it, and you found it. But in the end, you stepped and wiped your feet on it. Leaving it broken, and dirty on the ground without a care in the world. It is still.. on the ground. Unmoving.

Honesty.

The key. I tried to be, as honest as possible. Tried to tell you what I was going through, how I felt when you stepped on my emotions, how I tried to put in effort to fix what was falling apart. Another derivation from trust. In the end, you never were honest, the way I trusted you to be. You covered the real truth, with false accusations. Making me feel worse then I already felt. For never being good enough.

Loyalty.

Always stood up for you, I did. Slapped the mouths of people who talked rubbish about you. For all the accusations they made towards you, the doubtful thoughts they tried to fill my head with. "You deserve better." My reply was always, " Why should I deserve better, when I already have the best?" You did the opposite of my doings. You agreed with the sayings, and left me in the past. I'm to blame here. For being blinded by my emotions, to hear the truth in what people who loved me said.

Even after all this. Why do i still shed tears, for someone who in truth.

Never loved me?

I will never understand.

"My heart bleeds. And you laugh."

Survivor - Destinys Child.

2010-02-17T00:59:00.000-08:00

(Verse 1)
Now that you are out of my life,
I'm so much better,
You thought that I'd be weak without ya,
But I'm stronger,
You thought that I'd be broke without ya,
But I'm richer,
You thought that I'd be sad without ya,
I laugh harder,
You thought I wouldn't grow without ya,
Now I'm wiser,
You thought that I'd be helpless without ya,
But I'm smarter,
You thought that I'd be stressed without ya,
But I'm chillin'
You thought I wouldn't sell without ya,
Sold nine million.

[Chorus]
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what).

(Verse 2)
Thought I couldn't breathe without you,
I'm inhalin'
You thought I couldn't see without you,
Perfect vision,
You thought I couldn't last without ya,
But I'm lastin'
You thought that I would die without ya,
But I'm livin'
Thought that I would fail without ya,
But I'm on top,
Though it would be over by now,
But it won't stop,
You thought that I would self-destruct,
But I'm still here,
Even in my years to come,
I'm still gon' be here.

[Chorus]
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what).

(Bridge)
I'm wishin' you the best,
Pray that you are blessed,
Much success, no stress, and lots of happiness,
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gonna blast you on the radio,
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gonna lie on you or your family, yo,
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gonna hate you in the magazine,
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gonna compromise my Christianity,
(I'm better than that)
You know I'm not gonna diss you on the Internet
Cause my momma told me better than that.

[Chorus]
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what).

Oh
(Oh)
Oh
(Oh)
Oh
(Oh)
Oh
(Oh)
Oh
(Oh)
Oh
(Oh)
Oh
(Oh)
Oh
(Oh)

After all of the darkness and sadness,
Still comes happiness,
If I surround myself with positive things,
I'll gain prosperity.

[Chorus]
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what)(Don't stop me now)
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what).

[Chorus]
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what).

"I don't need you in my life. :)"

Disconnected.

2010-02-12T07:29:00.000-08:00

Technical difficulties.

Happy Valentines Day.

Sweaty or hairy?

2010-01-22T01:50:00.000-08:00

Everybody loves ME!

I miss cheer. It's calling out to meeeeee. Be patient, Dharshini Shankar. 8 more months to go and WOOSHA baby. It's 5,6,7,8 for me again.

Being hyper with Luvenia is way better then us being pissy. RIGHT Luvenia? :D And you KNOW who I'd choose. Don't be silly!

I am in desperate need of new songs. I'm itching to dance. I haven't heard any good new songs lately. Come ON PITBULL! My main MAN! Where you at?

THAIPUSAM. I am SO walking. Screw the leg. Thaipusam feeeeeel. Only to the waterfall temple. Not the hilltop. I guess it's for the best la. But walking along the stretch to the waterfall temple is a MUST. Can't NOTHING hold me DOWN baby!

My class rocks. People have started to open up around me. They ain't that shy anymore. Wahida and Fatin. You freaks. I love you monyets!

Glee season one. HURRY UP AND FINISH! I need season 2! To all you uber-LAMEozoids who haven't watched glee, you all can go suck a fish. GO. WATCH. GLEE! SERIOUSLY PEOPLE!

There was a dream I had. It was almost like..an epiphany. The conclusion of the dream was, to forgive and forget. I've been having cold sweat since that day. Past mistakes of people. Should I forgive? I want to. But.. it's hard.

Memories that effed up facebook doesn't let me share.

My 2 darlings! Reow.

Honk the horn and drive towards the sunset!

Number 1 monyets.

Naughty or nice list? :)

Seduction, through BEER!

Laughter and smiles. Merry Christmas!

"You know you'll miss me, baby. "

Live like we're dying - Kris Allen

2010-01-17T00:02:00.000-08:00

One of my favourites.

Sometimes we fall down and can’t get back up
We’re hiding behind skin that’s too tough
How come we don’t say I love you enough
Till it’s too late, it’s not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won’t come
We could make a feast from these crumbs
And we’re all staring down the barrel of a gun
So if your life flashed before you, what would you wish you would’ve done

Yeah… gotta start
Looking at the hand of the time we’ve been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start thinkin’ it
Every second counts on a clock that’s tickin
Gotta live like we’re dying

We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
To turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we’re dying

(Continued after the jump)
Well if you plane fell out of the skies
Who would you call with your last goodbyes
Should be so careful who we live out of our lives
So when we long for absolution, there’ll be no one on the line

Yeah… we gotta start lookin’ at the hand of the time we’ve been given here
This all we got and we gotta start thinkin it
Every second count on a clock that’s tickin
Gotta live like we’re dying

We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
to turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we’re dying

Like we’re dying oh…
Like we’re dying
Like we’re dying oh…
Like we’re dying

We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
to turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we’re dying

You never know a good thing until it’s gone
you never see a crash until its head on
All these people right when we’re dead wrong,
You never know a good thing till it’s gone

Yeah… we gotta start lookin’ at the hand of the time we’ve been given here
this all we got and we gotta start thinkin it
Every second count on a clock that’s tickin
Gotta live like we’re dying

We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
to turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we’re dying

Like we’re dying oh…
Like we’re dying
Like we’re dying oh…
Like we’re dying

We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
to turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we’re dying

"Just get back up."

I didn't know it at 15.

2010-01-15T06:13:00.000-08:00

I've been very busy.
My internet has not been fixed, until now.
Obviously.
I am now in form 4.
New years, drama was expected.
Drama made it's entrance.
But it's resolved now.
Thank you though, to the people who spent the night with the retard.
I love you guys.
There will not be a 2009 is over ZOMG sappy post.
2009 was the best year of my life, hands down.
But it is over now. Deal with it.
I hate being 16.
Everything is so complicated.
And yes, the pressure is building up.
Everyone says they'll stay in Penang.
But we all know that's crap, Hence everything is changing.
I have one goal.
I want to be able to walk straight without limping, dance and run a sprint by june.
Thaipusam, i WILL walk.
No doubt about it.

On the whole, I have one addition.

I love you. You make me happy.

Au revoir.

"Through these eyes she saw pain, through this heart she felt pain. But with these limbs, she failed."

Arise from the dead.

2009-12-14T08:37:00.000-08:00

Fine rub it in. I know I know. I've been SOOOOOOOO lazy to update my blog. But it's also because I'm a walking hospital case, with all these sickness's, surgeries and what not. I'm currently admitted. At Lam Wah Ee hospital for a severe case of tonsillitis. Damn. I didn't know drips could hurt so much. OUCHIEPOOH. I might have to get a tonsil removal surgery after i recover from this. And after I recover from that, my knee surgery. Diseases and pain seems to love me so mucho. What doesn't? :)

Everyone is leaving me alone in Penang. Paalan is gone to Kl, Chittesh will be going tomorrow. Luvenia left me a long, LONG time ago, Keshav left me on saturday and Dhivia left me last week. On the bright side, Keshav will be back tomorrow. And dhiv is already back. :) So it'll only be me, him and her in Penang. DNSS AND PNSS FIGHT CRIME TOGETHER WITH THE PRESENCE OF CG!

I am SOOOOO far behind in glee! The last episode I watched was episode 9. 9! CAN YOU FREAKING BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE. Glee hates me. I can't download or anything. I've watched 10 minutes of episode 10 and *KABOOM* IT STOPS LOADING. I. NEED.GLEE. Ohmylord someone please help me! :(

And now. It is time for sick hospital patients like me to go to bedddd. Au revoir, my darlings.

"Random kisses!"

Beware, baby.

2009-12-07T06:36:00.000-08:00

Hello human beings.

Well, for you uber cool people who read my blog, you'll know i've been out of action for awhile now. That is because, I've just RETURNED home from Ipoh. Now I realise how much I love my Penang. Ipoh is interesting and all, but NOTHING beats Penang lah.

So I stayed there for a week, with my little cousins, uncle and aunt. I've now learned that I don't want kids. Annoying little buggers. :D

I will update more on future happenings. There are tooooooo much things to be written down here.

You know YOU love me.

"Jump up lets get crazy!"

Reconcilliation.

2009-11-25T00:09:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking about old memories and past happenings. So many of them which have disappeared, been buried and are never spoken of again. Why? I don't know. Seperate ways, and misunderstandings perhaps. And also, never making an effort to reconcile. Oh well. You can't undo the past. But for what it's worth, I apologise for any wrongdoings on my part. I really do miss those times where we were just friends, being goofy and silly and most importantly, just being pals. So, I wish you well Cutlery Set. :) The silly era of susu botol and cutlery set will be remembered as it was. LOL.

FIFFY!

"An effort that puts a smile on my face."

Come what may - Nicole Kidman & Ewan Mcgregor

2009-11-23T22:44:00.000-08:00

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Everyday I love you more and more

Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste

It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high no river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may I will love you until my dying day
Oh come what may, come what may I will love you
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place...
Come what may, come what may I will love you until my dying day.

"I always will. "

Weeds in my flower patch.

2009-11-19T07:42:00.000-08:00

Worried.

Upset.

Confused.

Irritated.

Nervous.

Angry.

Sad.

Annoyed.

Regretful.

Depressed.

Dysfunctional.

"Sunshine fades in my flower patch."

Set me free..

2009-11-18T01:06:00.000-08:00

So. It's confirmed that I definately need surgery. It saddens me, cause I will not be able to do sports, or dance for 6-9 months after surgery. I really don't know how i'm supposed to cope. I can't..not dance.

How do I survive without breathing when..

Dancing is my breath?

This is very upsetting. I think I'm getting depression over this. Oh well. I'll just have to find some way to cope. It's all faith. Maybe i'm just not meant to dance anymore. Haih.

On a lighter note, today was the first day of spm! Yes it is on a lighter note :D. I tried calling all my friends, but none of them could really talk. Guess they're all busy busy bees, cramming last minute studying. WEE. Don't worry people. 9tH DECEMBER. PARTY TIME.

School ends in 2 days. My form 3 year will be over in 2 days! Well. Technically lah. I haven't been in school these past few days, with doctors appointments and physio. So I might just go back to school on the last day, just to say my goodbyes. 3 Aked, was by far, the best class to be in. I will remember each and every one of you who made 3 aked, 3 Aked. A 3Akedian forever. :)

I actually narrated the whole plot of London dreams, to my mum. She wants to force my father to take us to watch it again today! I told her, it was worth sneaking out to watch that movie, and she laughed. What is happening to the world. my mum LAUGHED at me, for sneaking out. Well after dropping the "you should know better" bomb. Oh good lord.

"I'm scared.."

Gravity - Sara Bareilles

2009-11-17T07:18:00.000-08:00

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do,
I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much,
Than to drown in your love and not feel your rain

CHORUS:
Set me free, leave me be.
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall.
Just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

Oh, you loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while.
And all my fragile strength is gone.

CHORUS

I live here on my knees.
As I try to make you see.
That you're everything I think I need,
Here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe.
Though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that,
You're keeping me down.

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long...

"You're my gravity. "

Wheels.

2009-11-16T19:16:00.000-08:00

The ninth episode of glee, is by far my favourite of the whole lot and i'm sure will continue to be. I cried BUKETS just watching it. Truly an inspirational episode. Loved it LOADS.

I think I'm Crazy. Don't You?

"Love me not. "

I'm going 'PUCK' ing insane!

2009-11-14T23:00:00.000-08:00

Oh. My. God.

Noah Puckerman. Mark Salling. You have stolen my heart and activated my senses in all aspects sexually and non sexually. How? Maybe, it's your flawless face With your PROMINENT jaw line, greenish eyes, caremally creamy skin, BEAUTIFUL mohawk, Or eyeball popping body? Six packs anyone would shoot themselves for, absolutely perfectly shaped muscles on your arms your bad boy personality that gets me hyped and and and and OOOOOH I could go on forever into an orgasmic trance till I explode and be reborn again thinking about you Noah Puckerman. I want you. I. WANT. YOU. ALL OF YOU. I MEAN LOOK AT HIM. WHO WOULDN'T WANT HIM. TELL ME ONE FREAKING NAME OF SOMEONE WHO WOULDN'T WANT THIS. Oh noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I'm going pucking insane!

What he is.

AGE:	16-17
TALENT:	Football, singing, cleaning pools
CLIQUE:	The Jocks
PERSONALITY TYPE:	bad boy
QUIRKS:	likes slushies
SIGNATURE LOOK:	Mohawk
VULNERABILITIES:	being called a Lima-Loser
STRENGTHS:	plays guitar, good looking
WEAKNESSES:	Cougars (and we ain't talking about the cat, if you catch our drift ;)

He speaks, We faint and die.

"Dude! Chicks don't have prostates. I looked it up!"
"So you're quitting to join Homo Explosion?"
"He's already in a wheelchair."
"Look. If I joined the flag team, you'd beat the crap out of me!"
"Yeah...I'm kinda Rock'n'Roll"
"Sup, MILF?"
"Well, call the Vatican! We got ourselves another immaculate conception!"
"Hey ankle grabber...I had sex with your mother, no seriously....I cleaned your pool, and then I had sex with her in your bed. Oh, and nice Star Wars sheets."
"The wheelchair kid's right. That Rachel chick makes me want to light myself on fire, but she can sing."
"Rachel was a hot Jew and the Good Lord wanted me to get into her pants."
" You know what the worst part is? It's not the burning in your eyes or how the slushee drips into your underpants. It's the humiliation."

"You have to love him. YOU JUST HAVE TO."

Missing in action.

2009-11-12T03:00:00.000-08:00

Yes I know I have been. It's just that I've been very busy, with dance and all. I might be taking my exam, If my knee isn't shitty.

Oh that reminds me. I'm finally going to the hospital for my second check up tomorrow. So, tomorrow's the moment of truth. To operate, or not to operate. That is the question.

I will be going to KL on either the 20th, or 21st for Chala Chala. Odissi performance from India. And I I WILL be staying on till the 28th or 30th. But..It's not confirmed yet.

I had loads of fun at the beach today. SANDCASTLES ARE STUPID. But builiding them with friends are loads of fun. SANDY BAY! WOO!

'We're back for more. '

Like I said, some dreams do come true.

2009-11-06T09:29:00.001-08:00

Dreams do come true. :)

Get smart. Or stupid. Whichever works.

2009-11-04T20:02:00.000-08:00

I have a monster in me.
That is waiting to explode.
And kill you.
Don't egg it on.
I will kill you if I have to. :)

' Bring it back '

Chickadee!

2009-11-02T06:31:00.000-08:00

Today was fun. Who knew team building could be so exciting. Thank you Mr. Edmund, you really helped me a lot, more than you intended. ONWARDS to tomorrow's paintball. Like you said.

WAR!!

My fathers salsa class is going on now. And it's irritatingly annoying that I can't join it cause of my knee.I'M NOT AN OKU ANYMORE. A RETARD, maybe. An OKU? No chance.

Some one needs to take me out. I need a fun atmosphere and really..REALLY good food. And maybe throw in a slumber party for sleep purposes. I've lost my sleeping and eating abilities. EEARGH.

I really want to swim with dolphins. Or just go to the beach and swim in the sea. Either one would be good. Any takers?

I think I really would be capable of murdering a person. Like seriously. Just one stab wound and *POOF* Gone. Dead. Hasta la Vista baby. Think about it. Every single one of us are capable of murder. I wonder...

I'm starting my first ever addmath class tomorrow. I'm so screwed. If I can't understand anything tomorrow, then i'm pretty much screwed for the next 2 years to come. I'm telling you now that I already don't like it. Screw form 4 & possibly form 5 as well. ISH.

'United we stand, Divided we fall. '

Happy Halloween.

2009-11-01T00:06:00.001-07:00

A very happy Halloween to everyone.
I know I had a great one.
Till 6.30am.
Thank you.
For everything. :)

Current addiction and expression.
This speaks what's on my mind.

Broken-Hearted girl - Beyonce Knowles.

You’re everything I thought you never were
And nothing like I thought you could’ve been
But still you live inside of me
So tell me how is that?

You’re the only one I wish I could forget
The only one I’d love to not forgive
And though you break my heart, you’re the only one
And though there are times when I hate you
Cause I can’t erase
The times that you hurt me
And put tears on my face
And even now while I hate you
It pains me to say
I know I’ll be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe
I don’t want a broken heart
Don’t wanna take a breath with out you babe
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way no no
I don’t want a broken heart
And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl…No...No
No broken-hearted girl
I’m no broken-hearted girl

Something that I feel I need to say
But up to now I’ve always been afraid
That you would never come around
And still I want to put this out
You say you’ve got the most respect for me
But sometimes I feel you’re not deserving me
And still you’re in my heart
But you’re the only one and yes
There are times when I hate you
But I don’t complain
Cause I’ve been afraid that you would've walk away
Oh but now I don’t hate you
I’m happy to say
That I will be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe
I don’t want a broken heart
Don’t wanna take breath with out you babe
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way no no
I don’t want a broken heart
And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl...No…No
No broken-hearted girl

Now I’m at a place I thought I’d never be…Oooo
I’m living in a world that’s all about you and me…yeah
Ain't gotta be afraid my broken heart is free
To spread my wings and fly away
Away With you
yeah yeah yeah, ohh ohh ohh

I don’t wanna be without my baby
I don’t wanna a broken heart
Don’t want to take a breath with out my baby
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way..No..No
I don’t want a broken heart
I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl..No..No..
No broken-hearted girl
Broken-hearted girl No…no…
No broken-hearted girl
No broken-hearted girl

'Smile, and the world smiles along with you.'

The pain is blinding.

2009-10-31T08:33:00.001-07:00

Yet again, you disappoint me. You hurt me. Again. How could you, I ask. Just because you know that forgiveness is the answer. I don't know how much more you will do, nor do I know how much more I can forgive OR how much more I can take. I really don't. All I get is lies. The exact same stunt you pulled, but not the exact same pain. Why? Because the pain...

Is deeper.
Stings even more.
Tears me up even more.
I bleed, even more.
And I cry, even more.

But hey. Like I said.

Who gives a fuck, ay? :) :)

'Shut down. Totally.'

Rants in order.

2009-10-30T05:57:00.000-07:00

I'd really have liked to go for a Halloween party. If I had a party to go to, i'd most probably be Joker the female. Or go as a cat. Meow. And Dhiv, i'm going to hold you to that promise you made! Halloween party at YOUR place next year and I'm so there. Weather you invite me or not LOL.

Post PMR is not what I expected it to be. I'm bored out of my brain and I have nothing to do. I need ideas. Maybe I shall start colouring again. Or try drawing the perfect circle. Embrace my innner child. I need Luveniaaaaaaaa. Comeback Luvenia come backkkk hommmmeee.

My fellow SPM friends. OH.MY.GOD. YOU HAVE LESS THAN 3 WEEKS. You better be worried and start studying your asses off. Good luck though :) ON DECEMBER 9thTH, WE SHALL PARTY OUR ASSES OFF. Deal?

I'm getting crankier these days. Maybe it's me being in the house all the time. I need to get out more. But in order to go out, I have to clean my room and I don't WANT to! Shit. Or maybe I'm reaching menopause. I'm getting old. Oh noooooooooo.

School is a BLOODY waste of time. But next week, on monday, I shall be going for a paintball trip at INTI college and Penang Indian society. So we'll see how that turns out. If it's a bloody bore, I'm going to fork my eyeballs out.

I miss Cheer. I'm terribly upset that I won't be performing next monday at PKSW. My stunt group NEEDS me and I NEED them. I will be BACK. You can definately count on that. Muahahaha.

TODAY is my very own bum bum of a brother's, CHIPPY'S, Vernysha's Birthdays. So many birthday people on the same day. WOO! Halloween babies. Happy birthday to you guys! ILY!

My knee, If you people were wondering is recovering fast. I can now run around and dance like a freak. Although, it's not FULLY recovered. I haven't gone back to the doctor's for my second check up. I plan to though. Next week. Hopefully.

I don't know what's going on with you, and you're not telling me either. All of a sudden you seem so distant. Well. It might be you being busy and all, but it's okay. You call me when YOU feel like it then. I won't, cause I don't want to bug you. :)

'It beats. '

WRITERS BLOCK.

2009-10-26T21:29:00.000-07:00

Inspired to write, but no words get written down. Nothing I feel now is being put into words.Why? I AM GOING THROUGH A WRITERS BLOCK. I think. Maybe? Or maybe i'm just a boring person. With insignificant ramblings. Oh well. I'll just have to wait for the *KABOOM* in my life.

Wait.

I already have my *KABOOM* And that's what makes me at a loss for words. Om Manggalam.

Please bear with me. :(

'I wanna run away.'

Do you remember?

2009-10-26T03:55:00.000-07:00

Not all pictures speak a thousand words.
But this one definately does. :)

' Everyone has reasons to you know...be finished. But we don't and never will.We're perfect together.'

Through my eyes.

2009-10-25T08:55:00.000-07:00

I am happier than happy.
I love you, I truly do.
Jnz. :)

Would it be any different if I disappeared?

2009-10-24T10:05:00.000-07:00

That question lingers in my mind now.

IF I disappeared, would it? Would it really be any different from what things are now? I could you know. Disappear. Not in the sense of running away to a foreign country or flying to space. I mean, as in dying. If I died. If I was gone. If. The word IF is very strong. The possibility is enormous. In my opinion, I think most people do think, and ask themselves this same question. Now, don't go thinking I've gone off the deep end or I'm wallowing in self pity. No. I am most certainly NOT. I say, it's just a thought. An unanswered question that will stay at the back of my mind. I do not need assurance, neither do I want assurance. "Ohhhh things will be VERY much different with your absence!" Bull la. Hah. Oh well. To make the tree grow, you first need to plant the seed. That doesn't mean I'm going to die or try to. Like I said. A thought is a thought, nothing more unless it is fueled.

I'm not perfect. Will never be, don't want to be. With every step I take, with every action carried out, I create a new flaw. What would I be without flaws? Perfectly perfect in every perfect way. HA. Fat hopes. My flaws are the essence of me. And that leads me to this song. It is, a really beautiful song, I love.

Sempurna

Kau begitu sempurna
Dimataku kau begitu indah
Kau membuat diriku akan slalu memujimu

Disetiap langkahku
Kukan slalu memikirkan dirimu
Tak bisa kubayangkan hidupku tanpa cintamu

Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa

[Reff:]
Kau adalah darahku
Kau adalah jantungku
Kau adalah hidupku
Lengkapi diriku
Oh sayangku, kau begitu
Sempurna... Sempurna...

Kau genggam tanganku
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
Kau bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku

Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa

[Reff:]
Kau adalah darahku
Kau adalah jantungku
Kau adalah hidupku
Lengkapi diriku
Oh sayangku, kau begitu
Sempurna... Sempurna...

Kau genggam tanganku
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
Kau bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku

'Open your eyes.'

Rimup 2009

2009-10-23T04:58:00.000-07:00

Over the years, it has been very enjoyable, every year. It's weird thinking that I'll only have 2 years of this stuff left. Oh well. This year I actually performed for Rimup. Supposed to do 4 items, ending up doing only 3 cause I busted my knee. AGAIN. Darn it, WHY do these things happen to meeeeeeee. So I couldn't dance for the phantom dance. It was all singing. Think of me, Mor Li hua and Send it On. I WORE A CHEONGSAM. Mee Quin's. And MQ and Isa wore punjabi suits. Mine. Switch up, much? It was fun lah. Happy happy times. Now see pictures. YEAH!

M.I.D Missing The L. :( Muhibbah!

3 Akedians. Love you guys! 1 MALAYSIA 1 JAMBAN LOL!

Yay, Dapat semua! Isa hiding.

Miss Zuhad in Luvenia's PUNJABI. LOL

Our SPOT!

My sexy Phantomista!

I miss you. :(

'Boom Chika WAH WAH! '

Contemplate? Deepavali loves.

2009-10-21T01:25:00.000-07:00

Okay. A longggggggggggg story cut short, deepavali this year was fantabulous.

Specially cause it was spent with people I absolutely love. The deepavali weekend was very fun. I've never been to a deepavali open house before, cause I'm always doing my own thing at home. So this year, decided to mix it up. Jam packed with loads of fun, I really enjoyed deepavali, but I don't think I'll be eating for awhile, my stomach is literally EXPLODING. Yes, still. It was my house first, with La familia and friends at home, then it proceeded to Rashnith's house. The next day continued with Malini's house, then Luvenia's. And Monday, was at Paalan's house for Visshvan's birthday and Gurney to watch Aadhavan with The Jayaratnam's and the Maleni's? Lol. Well, most of em lah. :) Tuesday, bonding with Luvenia, Kieran and Sean at Gurney. Pool! Love you guys. Then stayed over at Luvenia's place, today was McD time in the morning with Keshav, Kumar, Luvenia and Sean. Sex addicts I tell you. Plus Aida and WJ too. Luvenia's going to Kl for 2 weeks(IDIOT), I'm going to miss you! :( So that about sum's up my time of absence here. OKAY now PICTURES.

La familia.

Rumah Rashnith.

Rumah Luvenia.

Jungle gym dekat rumah Luvenia.

Me and Hari Haran messing around with the phantom masks.

Awwww. The happy family

Mithu, Me, Trish and Paalan.

At nichii after the movie.

The favourite. :)

'Te Amo.'

What would I do without you. OHMY.

2009-10-13T23:31:00.001-07:00

Rashnith.

Isabelle.

Mee Quin.

Dhivia.

Keshav.

Chittesh.

Paalan.

Luvenia.

I love you guys. :)

I am a teenager gone wild. RAWR.

2009-10-13T05:28:00.000-07:00

Can you smell that? Ah...

Freedom.

I've never felt this FREE, RELIEVED and HAPPY in such a long long time. I have so many things to say! But I don't know how to put them in words. In case you FREAKO'S out there don't know what i'm talking about, I'm talking about...

THE END OF PENILAIAN MENEGAH RENDAH!
(PMR)

But, there are mixed feelings to this HUGE achievement of mine. (Lol) For one, I will be celebrating, but not with most of the people from my social circle. MOST of them will be sitting for their SPM exam next month. And that sucks balls. But oh well, we'll party like MANIACS for 2 weeks after your exams. Till my results come out. *GASP* That's another issue. OH GOOOODDDDD. Okay. Screw that. I think i did pretty okay. For a shithead like me. WOO.

Onwards to the post pmr outing. Yes, we had a post pmr outing today. Right after our exams we were crazily happy. But then, we were really sad too. Erin, our classmate is leaving for Singapore tomorrow. She got an ASEAN Scholarship. Yes, she is CRAZY smart. We're going to miss you ERIN! :( After saying our goodbyes, Me, Mee Quin, Luvenia, and Zuhad stopped by McD to see Chittesh, Keshav, Paalan and Kumar. After that we went to Luvenia's house to shower and get ready for our trip.

4 of us, + Paalan then went to prangin so Luv and MQ could cut their hair. Me Zuhad and Paalan had fun talking and me and Zuhad had fun insulting him!

Love these dunggu's.

We pitied the fella who washed her hair. HAH!

Trying to copy the models pose. FAIL.

FAIL TOO. LOL!

This is Mee Quin before her haircut.

And this is her AFTER. Dayum she a sexy chick! I loooovvveee your new do on you, Mq!(Hey that rhymed. heeeeee.

Big change, no? :D

After gunting rambut, we took a bus to gurney, and Paalan balik rumah. You have no IDEA how happy I was to see gurney after such a lonnnnngggg time. After that, straight went to the food court cause we were STARVING. Janice and Rashnith joined us too. After eating, we rushed to watch 'The Ugly truth'. Rash and Luvenia went and bought the tickets while Me, Mq Jan and Zuhad released our inner child!

The movie was the BOMB. So damn funny, and we were the noisiest group there. But the cinema was practically empty. The movie still rocked and I enjoyed it very much, so did the rest of our group.

After the movie, we went to Nichii. We wanted to BUY clothes but ended up trying the clothes for fun and camwhored like maniacs. Zuhad, BIG. :D The clothes there are NICE! But lazy to buy lah. Trying for fun is better. :D

After our discussion and us thinking of where to go next, we somehow ended up at McD. Old habits die hard LOL. So since we were there, we ate again and talked and talked and talked.

Eating Bob.

This is Bob.

And this was all that was left of Bob when I was done. :)

Our final destination for the day was Starbucks. I finally used my Starbucks voucher and redeemed my free starbucks drink. WEE! Met ALLLL the chinese form 3 boys from free school there, one whole truckload of em. LOL. After that, me Rash and Zuhad finally went home, with Rash's mum.

And so, that sums up the post pmr outing. And this BLOGPOST finally satisfies the itch i had to blog after being absent for SO long! This is the first of many many many more outings to come, and i am truly HAPPY that my exams are all over. The freedom ship has landed people, and i'm going to be the first one on board. BOOYAH BABY! :):)

'YEAH!'

SQUISHY! :D

2009-09-26T21:45:00.000-07:00

Hello humans!

First up, I'd like to STRESS that PMR is approximately 10 days away. Yes, it's a love hate thing. 10 days to doom, and about 17 days away from freedom. The thing is, I'm NOT scared or worried at all! WTF is wrong with me? I should be scared shitless. AIIIIEEEEEE. This is such a KuchiBaba moment, Selven.

That screwed one side, YESTERDAY was very fun. 2nd day of Saraswathi, and 8th day of navarathri. Hung out with most of the people I absolutely Love. WHOOPING loudly for Dhiv's performance (which was awesome btw), eating like pigs afterwards, talking nonsense on stage, MICHAEL JACKSON IS MY BOYFRIEND, Camwhoring, squeezing in the car (5 people in the back, mind you.), Perang Gerilla :), and finally reaching home at 12. Cant wait till I'll be able to do that again. I love you guys!

Captured memoirs.

Dunggustans!

Visshy! My never failing camwhore partner!

Ish budak ni. Buat muka pimp!

Opposites, YAY!

Selven, camwhore. :D

The boys.

One big happy family. :)

' Land of the lovers. '

Reminisce.

2009-09-20T04:44:00.000-07:00

Have you ever thought that the saying, "People always leave." Could ever be true? That you are actually all alone in this horrible world, and people who are there for you just eventually...leave? Maybe just maybe a handful actually stay with you, but what about the rest? People don't care. That is the cold hard fact. When they ask you, "How are you?" with a bloody fake smile, they don't really care. They don't WANT to care. So in return, I say. "I'm fine thank you." But i'm not. I just want to shut them up. Lick my wounds on my own cause frankly, wounds don't heal that easily or that fast. There will always be this nagging pain to remind you that you're not really okay, and never will be. So be prepared for the worst cause the cold hard fact is, you're alone in this fucking hell hole you call life.

'As I stand here tonight and look up at the huge sky filled with all those stars I think of you. I think of the times we were together and I think of the times we looked up at that very same sky. and then I realized how much I miss you. I thought I could get through it, I thought I would be okay. But how can I be? Without you I stand alone. In this huge world, I stand alone.'

A bee in my butt.

2009-09-17T21:58:00.000-07:00

Lack of updates caused by parents.
No computer.
I'm sneaking now.
I love you Dhivia. WE stick together, okay?
We don't need shit right now.
I hate this.
I want to enjoy my holidays.
My nails are turquoise.
And you're just a boy.

Currently addicted. AH!

2009-09-04T08:00:00.000-07:00

Just a select few Wonka Candy that I want to try! There are loads more, trust me.

Shockers!

Special Flavoured Nerds. Yum.

A few different flavours of Nerds, and Laffy Taffy!

Bottle Caps!

The Oh-so-famous WONKA bar!

This is a MUST have. The chewy Gobstoppers. Mmm.

More Nerds. :D

Fun Dip! WOOT!

Assorted flavours of Laffy Taffy. :D

Sweet Tarts. Booyah!

This is another MUST have. Sweet tarts SQUEEZE. mmmm.

Runts, Babeh!

I WANT THIS. The 85 pieces, assorted flavours and treats. The variety bag! WOOO!

THANK YOU WILLY WONKA.

'My temporary High.'

Heartache, ass aches, cheek aches.

2009-09-01T04:43:00.000-07:00

Pictures and events from the Youth Jam thingy at Penang times square will be posted soon, when Luvenia returns my camera. I am going to have an emotional breakdown. And yes, I am stressed and upset. Don't ask me why. My body aches, and my head is spinning. I'm missing Savvi. Terribly. WHY DIDN'T YOU COME TO SCHOOL. ISH. I've been thinking about old times, and old memoirs. Why, I don't know. Maybe its because of the abscense of my people. You know who you are. I miss you lot. PMR is in one month. I'm actually happy. It'll be over and done with. Oh who am I kidding. I feel like shit. I don't want to rant. I don't want to talk about anything to anyone, yet I'm here. Publisicing my stupidity.Writing. Typing. Trying. Sigh.

This song made me cry.
And it felt good.
But it isn't enough.

If you're not the one - Daniel Bedingfield

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?

I never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this **much** is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I'm praying you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t wanna run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

Thank you.
For everything.
I love you.

'I don't understand. '

I relive the moment.

2009-08-26T23:10:00.000-07:00

All the thoughts and fond memories of him flood my mind, as I remember every single little detail, no matter how small. All that was important. Those stunningly beautiful big eyes, your sharp nose, that jet black hair, the smile that never fails to melt my heart, every time flashed. The feeling of safeness and happiness when those strong arms are around me. Your warmth, so surreal. Your touch, ever so light. It sends shivers of delight down my spine every time. Your velvety smooth voice, so deep and soothing. I feel a tinge of happiness every time you say my name, every time you tell me you love me. I think of all the wonderful times we've had, trying to remember it as it was, not wanting to change a thing. Perfectly perfect in every way.

Your shy smile and longing eyes as you stopped me in my tracks. That look. Nervousness perhaps. As soon as I looked at you, I smiled inside. That look of unsureness splashed across your face, as you tried so desperately to hide all the tattle-tale signs. Of course, I knew that day would come, but never did I think I would be so utterly happy that you finally decided. And so did I. My favourite memory. When it all started.

Other memories fill my mind. All for me, and myself alone. I think and smile inside, because I know. You're mine, and no one else's. All the memories, all the thoughts. All for me, and I selfishly keep them hidden. Hidden away, for times like this. The ecstasy is so surreal. Your happiness contributes, in every single way. It matters most, more than mine. Your happiness, makes ME ridiculously happy. No matter the kinks and bumps. That's what makes us stronger, and stronger with each day. Everything that makes me happy, all of it. I am happy. As I.. relive the moment.

'Ecstasy. '

Right side of your brain - The Dream

2009-08-26T10:03:00.000-07:00

ohhh ohh ay ay ay ay ayy
ohhh ohh ay ay ay ay ayy
ohhh ohh ay ay ay ay ayy
yaaa

[verse 1]
you touch me baby, then you untouch me baby
you feed me your lies, words like pie
you want me baby, then you unwant me baby
outsmart me baby, now i'm back to crazy

[hook]
but i should be ashamed cause i
let you do me this way and its
unfortunate, that when your in love
you never use

[chorus]
the right side of your brain
right side of your brain
right side of your brain
right side of your brain
right side of your brain
right side of your brain
right side of your brain
right side of your brain

[verse 2]
you loved me baby, unlove me baby
you lead me on, you lock the doors on love's home
you heart me baby, then you hardly baby
you need me baby, and then you see me gone
you say im your friend, you'll be there until the end
then you tell me baby, you'll sell it baby
(Dontcha?)
[hook]
but i should be ashamed cause i
let you treat me this way cant lie its
unfortunate to say that love
never lets me use

[chorus]
the right side of my brain
right side of my brain
right side of my brain
right side of my brain
side of my brain
right side of my brain
right side of my brain
right side of my brain
right side of my...

oohh ohh ohhh ohhh
oohh ohh ohhh ohhh
oohh ohh ohhh ohhh
oohh ohh ohhh ohhh

[verse 3]
you love me baby, unlove me baby
let me be, set me free
come near me baby, im not near you baby
you say im your friend, then why are we at the end?

[hook]
well i should be ashamed cause i
let you do me this way
and i know that all this time i
should've been usin'

[chorus]
the right side of my brain
right side of my brain
right side of my brain
right side of my brain
side of my brain
right side of my brain
at the same time

oohh ohh ohhh ohhh
oohh ohh ohhh ohhh
oohh ohh ohhh ohhh
oohh ohh ohhh ohhh

'Have you? '

Chickens feet and dolls houses.

2009-08-24T22:15:00.000-07:00

I hate getting up at 7 every morning.
Tuition is fun though.
Because of the people there.
I want holidays.
I want people to stop calling me anorexic.
I like plurking, it's like twitter with colour.
I can't think, math sucks balls.
I miss dancing.
I miss singing.
I miss cheering.
I feel bleh.
My stomach is growling.
I'm rambling again.
My ass hurts.
Ramble ramble ramble.
Bumble bees are not stripey yellow and black things.
Try chocolate sauce, chunky peanut butter and honey.
Yum.
I want him.
I miss Chittesh & Keshav.
I miss Luvenia.
People don't understand.
I'm happily happy.
Really.
Sucks to you.
I love being me.
And hate being me.
All at the same time.
I'm switching to digi.
Soon.
Happy!
Yay.
Okay I'm done.
Why do I always feel so lost.
Don't think i'm emo.
I feel like a lost puppy.
Oh well.
Now i'm really done.
Okay.
Yeah.
Finished.

'Jump.'

Let loooooooose!

2009-08-22T08:18:00.000-07:00

Okay. So it was Dhivia's birthday yesterday, and I went for her party. At the colonial white builiding, next to Northerm Tower. There were a LOOOOTTTTT of annoying mischaps that day before her party, lots of misunderstandings and irritating happenings. But Dhiv's party was really fun, and I enjoyed myself very much. :) Had fun with awesome people. Thank you for the party DHIV! I needed it. Happy birthday again! Just to make you feel good. :P Love ya girl. 3 minutes, sugar rush, dancing like dong dong's and YOUR CAKE. OMG. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE PARTAY! :D

Most of the people who came. Everyone looks HOT! :D

The bozo in the middle has weird contacts. Me no like.

The awesome CAKE that gave me a SUGAR RUSH!

Me, Zhi and Dhiv.

The card I made her. :)

First pic of the party :)

I got home from the party around 12ish. Came home, watched tv. I stayed up until 4. Why? I was taking pictures of myself, I wanted to finish my camera's battery. Kononnya sexy mood. Then I was coughing so I couldn't sleep. I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M RAMBLING.

My fav pic.

Camwhore?

Wee.

'My phone is white n silver.'

To darling Reena.

2009-08-16T07:43:00.001-07:00

Reena Tasya. ONE HELL OF A GIRL LA YOU. All the fun times we've had, laughing sampai nak terkencing, stupid sessions in the gym, basing with you, and so much more. These 8 months I've known you, have meant so much, and I choose not to believe that you're leaving me for good. I will miss you, so much my friend. And you better believe it. Your presence here WILL be missed. SO. FRICKIN, MUCH. So here's to your new life in UK. You have a bright future ahead of you, and you'll be cheering with all those AHMOHKAU CHEERLEADERS! Cheer will never be the same without you. Please don't forget me, cause I will never forget you. Remember. No goodbyes, only hello's my dear friend. Enjoy your new life there, and all us little people in Penang will be missing you like crazy. Love you loads, Reena. Always will. :)

Missing you already.

'Friendship, one heck of a thing.'

Commitment. Trust. Me. You. Us.

2009-08-14T00:10:00.000-07:00

I trust you. You know I do. I don't doubt you. Why should I? Complications don't lessen my love for you. Sometimes it hurts. Just sometimes. But I love you. I do. Oh so much. I love you. You say I don't understand. Make me understand. I want to understand you. I want to be there for you. This is NOT a burden. I'm not stuck with you. I've always known that your love is true. And you mean so much to me. I know I mean a lot to you to. I'll always love you, believe me. And you matter to me. My love for you is stronger than this other disgusting feeling I have. All I want is for you to be happy, and i'm sorry that I complicate things. I have been honest. I want to be honest, and I want you to be honest with me too. I love you.

You guys have been with me throughout all the complications. I cannot express my gratitude. All I can say is, Thank you. So much. And I love all of you. All of you know, when someone messes with you, I'm here for you. Just know that I am in debt to you all. Thank you for being here for me, and thank you for being the amazing people you are.

I AM NO SMALL KID. YOU SHOULD KNOW. DON'T MESS WITH ME. I'LL PUNCH YOUR FACE. I'M OH-SO CAPABLE. DON'T MESS WITH ME. I don't hate you. No one wants to be hated. I don't hate people. Just, DON'T doubt me. If you do, I'll show you what i'm capable of. Don't try me. You can mess with me all you like, it doesn't effect me. But when you try and mess with the people who matter MOST to me, I will skin you alive. No one wants to hate. I don't want to. Stop acting this way and REALISE that what you're doing is wrong. Stop it. Just STOP IT! Think for yourself, and you'll realize sooner or later. You have to. Or you're going to lose things you hold dear to yourself.

On a lighter note. :)

I cut my hair.

You like?

I like.

'No quote. Cause I'm feeling quoteless.'

Happy Happy 100TH!

2009-08-11T03:57:00.000-07:00

First of all.

HAPPY 100TH POST TO MEEEE! :D

Ah yes, my oh-so-awesome blog. How you've been there for me through everything, and how I've opened up to you, expressed my feelings here, let out my frustrations and how you let me randomly prattle on and on about things here. Thank you for being somewhere I confide in, in a non-humanly way. So here's to you, bloggie dearest. Thanks for being the best blog-friend. :)

I know I'm weird & I love me. You should love me too. :)

Anyways, I've realized how badly i need to start studying. INTENSIVELY. I just don't know lah. I just CAN'T study. It's not that I don't want to. I just don't know HOW. As fickle as that may sound, it's the only explanation I can come up with. I'm not dumb. I'm just a lazyass :) Sigh. It's stressing me out. Thinking of PMR. Which btw, is in 51 days. Pressure? What's that? PSSSHH. No pressure lah.

NO FUCKING PRESSSURE AT ALL! (Notice the sarcasm? :])

Fuck that one side. The bright side to that is, THE AFTERMATH. THE AFTER PMR! WOO. I really can't wait. I just, REALLY can't wait. Sweet, SWEET after PMR. Oh, all the things I can do, all the parties I can attend, all the performances I can PARTICIPATE IN, all the lazing around I can do, all the movies I can watch, all the houses of my friends I can stay at, all the outings that I will have. Sweet, SWEET AFTER PMR. But. The thing is...

I have to go through PMR to get the AFTER. -.-

Sigh.

And i'm screwed. Happy happy joy joy.

'You know you love me. BITCHES! HAHA!'

Oh hyperness, randomness and lovey-ness? LOL

2009-08-10T03:46:00.000-07:00

99th post!
Random babblings.
Sexy sex kitten. Mreeoow. :D
QuackMEOW! ;)
Rash for that talk :)
Hotel 626! Mental Patient!
FRIENDSTER!
How chickens became mammals.
Cow + Dog = Baby Bird ;)
Lip tingling.
Love is gooonnneeee!
MR.PMS!
The proposal!
'Ya'll gonna kena from IY teacher!' LOL
Sleepy-by in class.
Sneaky computer time.
Flawless Internet time, FOR ONCE!
'Watch? Wait ah.' HAHA
Oye Loca. ;)
'Anything you want, another gift. ;)'
Jnz, Hkx<3>
COCO POWDER LOL!
Suck my cock! WOO!
Manchester United :( Evra, good job. Balls. -_-
RUNNING OUT OF COLOURS!

'You can. :)'

His song, 9th August 2009. - By Dharshini Shankar

2009-08-08T09:28:00.000-07:00

I hear you, breathing.
Ever so softly, so softly.
And I feel, you next to me.
Wherever I go, oh.

This yearning feeling, I feel.
Is getting stronger, and stronger
Each day, your absence,
Makes me weaker, and weaker.

Your face, your touch.
Is clouding up my mind.
As I sit here, thinking.
And wondering, wondering.

I need you, oh how I need you.
In my arms, forever.
Finally, I've realised.
What it's like, to love
You.

'I love you. :)'

Exam week? PSSH!

2009-08-04T06:00:00.001-07:00

Hello, Bitches.

So. It's almost the end of trials. Happy much? Jah. The exams all in all, okaylah. Too early to say anything. Like they all say, it all depends on my results. Oh well. It's just trials, no? :) And another fucked up part is we have a JPN paper we have to sit for. Geography. OF ALL THE FUCKING SUBJECTS. AIYOH. And on the 14th of August some more. I MEAN COME ON. Give us a break. I'm going to run into a wall and hopefully splatter my brains out onto the wall. IF I HAVE ANY.

Luvenia, our study parties have been fun. Unpredictable fun shit I tell you. LOL. That's how we do. Studying maths, 7up ;) Studying Kh, Water + CAEY OJO, Knock you down, Krazy in the club, on the bar top! YA YA YA! Studying Geography, Painting nails + The nerd with the Konde, Aye hip hopper, Shmexcy Cheerleader with the make up! Plus, adding more feel to it, till tongue falls off. HAHAHAHA. To everyone else reading this, you don't have to understand. Love you girl! :)

On Saturday, when I was SUPPOSED to be studying, I went for the ICS(Indian Cultural Society) Mega Night something something or rather. Release stress and see some people that I haven't seen in a while. Had hang out time with Kuggie, Paalan and Visshvan. SO Inapropriately dressed for the event. Me and Kuggie, tried to not to get up and walk around anywhere cause we were in modern clothes, while everyone else was in sarees, punjabi suits and jippa's. LOL. Oh well. It was funny though. WOO! Started around 7ish, finished only around 12.30 ish, after having supper at Kapitans. Twas a fun night. :)

PICTURES!

This is my random twilight apple from Selangor. :D

Why Twilight apple? Cause it looks like the twilight apple book cover thing!

I spoil things ;)

Visshy's MUSCLES. OOH!

Paalan.

The dude and the 'BOOJIYEM' girl! LOL!

Me and Visshy.

Kuganes and Paalan.

'You cant.'

Haru Haru, I get happy! :D

2009-07-30T06:29:00.000-07:00

I hate studying. I hate feeling stupid. I hate feeing blurr and helpless when I answer questions. I hate not knowing the answers. I hate when I know I can't get an A.

I hate exams.

Okay screw that. Even though I've got exams, I'm still BLOGGING! It relaxes me. I'm going to let it all out. Crap. Rant. Ramble.

Breathe.

MEE QUIN. I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MUCH YOU'VE INFLUENCED ME. I listen to Korean music all the time now, sometimes even more than my normal music! My god. But I'm glad you influenced me. I luuurrvvveeee Korean music now. SUPER JUNIOR! WOO! Haru haru Mudyeojogane-eh-eh! (:

Have you ever felt like you just KNOW that something's meant to be? Like, you just know. That GUT feeling. Even when people tell you it's not meant to be, you still believe. YOU SHOULD BELIEVE. Trust your judgement. I'm having a ball!

You HAVE to go out with me next week. I haven't seen you, talked to you in person properly in A MONTH. And..among other stuff too. :) You just have to go out with me. YOU HAVE TO! At least meet me? :( Don't be mean.

I have an obsession with text messaging. I HAVE to text message. I can't go a day without messaging. And I HATE it when people don't message me, or don't reply my texts. BOO YOU. Messaging people is fun. I think I have a problem. (:

'THOSE DISGUSTING PICTURES!'

HAIHYO.

2009-07-25T10:03:00.000-07:00

THIS IS NOT GOOD FOR ME.

I shouldn't be distracted this way, it's not good for my health! Tamil movie much. You don't know what I'm talking about. I'll explain further. No appetite to eat, no urge to sleep, no concentration on anything else, head in the clouds, feeling hot and cold at the same time, throat feels dry, urges to be with that person, to just be there, no space in my mind for anything else, heart actually feels like it stops, and starts again with just one look. What is this called? What does this mean? Why does EVERYTHING I do correspond and reflect on some small detail, ANY small little detail of that person? Reminders of that person are tormenting me everyday in a badly good way. It affects me. I'm not complaining, but rather realising.

Realising that I can never let go. As pathetic or clingy as that might sound, it's the truth. No matter how much it hurts, no matter how much it falls apart, I will NOT give up. Outside factors try to threaten the one thing I hold dear to me, try to break it to pieces. Psssh. It doesn't affect me. Cause only one thing, ONE thing matters at this point. And it's you. It's not how fast we give in to our weaknesses, it's how hard you fight and try to keep your strength alive. :) Again I say. I'm going crazy. Nuts. Psycho. Retarded. Why? Because.

I'm in love.
And it feels great.

'Shocks and pains. '

How you love me now - Hey Monday

2009-07-22T02:48:00.000-07:00

You were talking to her
But messing with me
It’s finally clear
You’re blurring the lines
Are you disturbed?
Oh, now you care
Why do you race through my red lights?

Can’t understand
I’ll slow it down for you

Tell me how can you sleep?
How can you breathe?
Baby tell me how
How you love me now
Tell me how can you sleep?
How can you breathe?
I hate when you say
How you love me now

Save
Save it for her
I’m not gonna hear
Your reasons and “please-just-take-me-backs”
We never were right
Don’t waste your breath
You crashed and you’re on your own tonight

Can’t understand
I’ll slow it down for you

Tell me how can you sleep?
How can you breathe?
Baby tell me how
How you love me now
Tell me how can you sleep?
How can you breathe?
I hate when you say
How you love me now

Lights out
I found out
My falling star
Goodbye
The sun rises here
There’s no more you and I

Tell me how can you sleep?
How can you breathe?
Baby tell me how
How you love me now
Tell me how can you sleep?
How can you breathe?
I hate when you say
How you love me now
How you love me now
How you love me now

'Krak Krak A-WOO! :D:D'

Manchester United Vs Malaysia in Kuala Lumpurrrr! :)

2009-07-19T02:35:00.000-07:00

I'm back, bitches. >:)

Ahhhh. This Kl trip made me realise how much I love Penang. My theory, everything is too BIG and LONG in Kuala Lumpur. Ask me why personally. :) I love my Penang.

Anyways, yah. Manchester United vs Malaysia. T'was..an interesting game, but sadly Man U didn't give it their all. I was very very surprised, and PROUD of the Malaysian team. Yes, they lost 3-2, but they fought. Hard. I am so very proud of you guys! Good job. :)

MALAYSIA BOLEH!

The crazed Manchester United fans with their painted faces, the full house at The Bukit Jalil stadium, over 100 thousand people or MORE, The PSYCHOTIC photographers at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel, The players and loads more. This truly was an interesting experience, with only a few downturns.

I didn't get to have dinner with Alex Ferguson.
Or the Manchester United Players.
WHY?!
Because.
I'm not 18 years old and up.
HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT.
Daddy and mummy got to.
Cause their old.
I'm sad.
:(

Screw that. OH OH OH BUT I GOT TO TAKE A PIC WITH ANDERSON. Met him on the way up to my room, in the lift. The pic is on my mummy's camera. It's awesome staying in the same hotel as the players, you always meet them on the LIFTS! HAHA

Ahh the Mandarin Oriental. The nicest hotel i've ever stayed at. :) THEY HAVE VOLUME CONTROL IN THE BATHROOM, Ipod stereo thingy, a dvd player, an office table fully equipped, a plasma tv, a bath tub, a seperate shower place, and SO MUCH MORE. HOOSHA.

AIDA. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU WE WERE SUPPOSED TO MEET UP. HAIHYO. YOU AH.

On friday, after the training, Met up with Keshav and my cousins, met new people too. RAKESH LINGGAM, YOU ARE INSANE. And Kiran, I'm sorry i couldn't get the jersey signed for you. :( It was nice meeting you though, yaaaaaaar. I'm so very Indian, eh? :D It was fun, we crashed Kiran's sisters party to have dinner at their place, It was so weird just going up to her and saying, "Hey, happy birthday. Sorry for crashing your party. " Lol. After dinner, a spontaneous decision to go and watch Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince, last show of the day, at 12.30am. The show finished around 3.30am. I've got one word that sums up my opinion on the movie.

BORING.

Why? Cause it was. Simple as that. Anyways, reached my hotel at 4 plus plus. LATER THAN MY PARENTS, WHO WERE ALSO OUT! They were cool about it, thank god. :) Straight away fell asleep after that.

The next day. MATCH DAY! Funny things I tell you. Me and my dad woke up and went for breakfast. I tell you, I'm going to get SO bloody fricking FAT. The food at The Mandarin was absolutely scrumptious. But oh-so-deadly. FATTENING. But who cares, right? Savour savour food. :D So we went for breakfast, and were stuck in the lounge cause of the full-house at the cafe'. When we finally got inside, we sat down and ate and ate and ate some more. After finishing my food, I realised No one was texting or calling me on my cell. I started looking around for my phone and guess what...It wasn't there. IT WASN'T THERE! I panic-ed. Ran around looking for my phone, my dad too. Told the people at the cafe and the lounge to look for my phone LOL. My dad called maxis after we searched for 15-20 minutes, he barred my line completely. He was so pissed off. But THHHHEEENNNNN guess what. After he barred my line, this waitress comes up to me and says, "Miss, was it you who lost the phone?" And I was like, yes that's me. And she said...

They had found my phone, on the floor and had taken it to lost and found 15 minutes ago -.-

HAHA.

That made dad even MORE happier. He had to unbar my line and he hates talking to all those people at maxis. Funny things, funny things. ;)

After breakfast, was lunch straightaway with the sponsors of the Man U vs Malaysia match. Dad's friend LAH. They had a lucky draw at the end of the luncheon, and my dad won a limited edition 40 years commemoration Manchester United football club original watch. Only about a hundred were made -.- NOT FAIR. I WANTED THE AUTOGRAPHED JERSEY BY RYAN GIGGS. I didn't win it, of course. -.-

Straight after that, off to the stadium to watch the match. Around 4ish. Before that, saw ALL the players getting into their bus from the hotel. ALL OF THEM WERE LESS THAN 1 METER AWAY FROM ME. YAY!

The match was overwhelming. So many people. MALAYSIA BOLEH WOO!

After the match, went back to the hotel, and met up with Keshav(AGAIN), Shereen and Rosa for dinner at KLCC. Had din din at KFC, ROSA AND SHEREEN I LOVE YOU GUYS. Shereen, keep holding on. Everything will turn out the way you want them to be. Be strong, girlfriend.

The next day, Sunday. Departure day. Left KL at 2, reached at 4.30. Dad drives like a maniac. :)

That about sums up my trip to Kl.
Not really.
I have loads more to tell, but I'm Lazy.
NOW FOR PICTURES! :D

Foster daddy and mummy!

Which one would you pick? :)

Camwhoring in foster daddy and mummy's car. On the way to KL.

The hotel room.

THIS IS RYAN GIGGS HEAD!

During the training session.

Me and Shav left our mark in Kl. Opposite KLCC :)

Me and shav at KLCC!

The slide with a hole!

There are loads more pics. Check them out on my facebook. :)
Goodbye.

'I'm glad we're back on good terms.'

The end of the end!

2009-07-14T19:57:00.000-07:00

FINALLY.

I have just FINISHED with my piano examination. Whoa-nelly am I happpppppy. I think i did pretty okay, considering the fact that i suck. Scales. ARGH. AND MY FRICKING FIRST PIECE. MISTAKES LIKE NOBODYS BUSINESS. Oh well. Even if i pass WITH the passing mark, 100/130 I will be super-flooper happy and you'll see me doing cartwheels all over the place. Anyways. I AM HAPPY. Why?

Piano exam is over.

No piano class for 2 weeks!

Leaving to KL on Friday, 17th.

Tickets for the Man U VS Msia match.

My PHONE IS BACK!

DINNER with ALEX FERGUSON! OMG!(Thank you daddy!)

Breakfast with the whole MAN U TEAM! OMG!! (Thank you daddy!)

I miss the POTO group. :(

WHEN'S THE PARTY!

Does anyone remember, Live Laugh Love? :D

'SPIDER PIG! :):):)'

For me, and me alone.

2009-07-13T07:07:00.000-07:00

This heart, this pain.
This love this hate.
Why?
I don't hate.
But why do I love?
Why?
You say you love.
Yet you leave, always.
Why?
When you read, what i've written.
You're bound to ask.
Why. And Why, again.
Why secrets.
Why?
And I shall not explain, yet again.
Cause my words have been spoken.
Too many times before.
From them, from everyone.
From me.
This love, this pain.
This ache, this heart.
Why?

' Deep? My shit.'